Certain moments in life make you take a step back and look at where you are, what you have been doing, and the person you have been. Is it a good thing to have that introspection thrust in your face? If it provides a needed shock to the system, that swift, spiritual kick in the pants that gets you going, then I suppose it is a good thing.
Tonight I realized I still may be far more broken than I had realized.
That’s not necessarily terrible, it just means that things are in process. Half the time I feel like my life was a jigsaw puzzle taking shape, with most of the pieces in place. But then somthing came crashing down, scattering my pieces across the ground. When I began to put the jigsaw back together, it started taking shape in a far different pattern than before. And I guess I’m trying to wrap my head around what that pattern means, and how who I am fits in with that.
One thing I’ve noticed is that I am far less serious than I used to be. Which, overall is a good thing, but there is a certain level of seriousness that I want to get back, because without it my ability to speak deeply and connect deeply with others is marginalized.
And while I’m in this sharing mood, I suppose I should thank the person who got me thinking about all this tonight. Most of our conversations have been joking and banter, but I think there’s a lot there I would like to get to know.
